It's 3 a.m., I must be lonely. (it's really just 2am)

This is not the first time I’ve moved away from home, strictly speaking. I did move to Tennessee for a few months in 2005. But this is the first time I’ve moved to a place where I had no one from my previous life. Of course, I moved here with Donna, and I have known her for a couple of years. But we don’t have a long history together. We don’t know how to read each other all the time, and we don’t have a perfect method of communication.

I also have Daniel. He is wonderful to me and always there when I need someone to talk to. But I feel a deep sadness. I wish I had a link to my life in Kentucky. Someone who knows me and understands me and sees things in a similar way. Donna’s different religious, philosophical, and world views are so different from my own that we don’t even make since to each other sometimes. My spiritual motivations do not make since to her. In face, they are down right ridiculous. Daniel respects my beliefs and is supportive of what I do, but we have different communication styles and sometimes it is a headache trying to understand each other.

So I feel all alone. Alone with my thoughts, my beliefs, my feelings. I have heard before that we all just want to be understood. And being in a place where I feel like no one understands me makes me appreciate that. Admittedly, I could do more to reach out. I am less in touch with friends since Lucy is in France. She is who I spoke to the most.

I guess I say all of this because I’m struggling with the inner solitude. I am reminded of my uncle Scott. I have been told that he uses his time alone in Saudi to really connect with God. I crave that so deeply, but struggle with finding a peaceful place to connect. I don’t really feel like I have my own space. I live in someone else’s house and my bedroom there isn’t exactly a sanctuary. Environment is so important to me. It can make the different of me feeling at peace or like I’m in hostile territory. Sometimes I’m just distracted.

I guess that’s enough of my rambling. I just needed to get that off my chest. I’m glad I got to spend the weekend in Kentucky, but I can’t WAIT until my long trip back in May. It will be such a refreshing retreat!